Anger, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, love, confusion, fear, misunderstanding, judgement
Where I am weak she is strong
Where I am stubborn she is open minded
Where I am judgmental she is accepting
Where I am un-loyal she is faithful
Where I break my word she is steadfast
Where I try to know all, she accepts that of which is all
Where I am a blabbermouth, she holds her tongue
Where I am a coward, she is brave
Where I speak about others, she focuses on herself and me
Where I think I know it all, she gently shows me that I do not
Where my heart is aching, she is the one who can heal it
Where my mind is racing, she is the one who can still it
Where my fire is burning, she is the one who can guide it
While I seek perfection, she knows what it is
Where I lack experience and maturity, she is wise beyond her ears
While I speak, she listens
While she speaks, I am too concerned with saying the next thing
While she seeks happiness and contentment, I am too busy trying to be perfect and right
My heart aches as I write this,
A fool I have been
Not to see the love,
To be blind to what the universe has given me
Age 27, the prophecy says
She is my diamond,
Diamonds are built under pressure
What am I but another asshole, a weak man
I do not seek pity, I only want to improve myself
Never can I allow myself to be comfortable
Not while my people suffer
To be honest, as much as I may appear comfortable
That is only on the surface
On the inside I have scares
On the inside I have fears and doubts
She asks me to speak the truth
But I am afraid
She asks me to be honest
But I am afraid
She asks me my opinions
But I am afraid
Of what value can I be,
If I am too afraid of myself to be myself
She reminds me not of the girl whom I once knew
But of the elder sister, whom I hide from
Hiding from the shadows of my inner-workings
Hiding from the fire that burns within
Hiding from the fear of failure
Hiding form her, in plane sight
The first thing I remember her saying is,
“I just thought I would be brave and knock on your door, I heard the music”
The first thing I did out of fear and distrust was to,
Hide my current actions and make up a lame excuse.
The way a relationship starts is how it ends
I want ours to be in truth.
Truthfully, yes I thought you were a mess,
How could you be addicted to cigarettes
Another damaged girl who has been raped
Must mean that I have to deal with her rage
Another girl who thinks im so great
When my own self I don’t appreciate
You pay so much attention to what I say,
I barely even reciprocate
I must act now before it is too late,
Heaven/the universe/makes no mistakes
No expectations, no judgment, no fear
I need you in my life, this is crystal clear
If im in my head shake me
If Im being a coward push me
Please I need your help, I cannot do this by myself
As much as I act like I want to be alone
As much as I enjoy those moments alone
I enjoy the touch of your sweaty hands much more
Well actually the cold hands I could do without
But I am in no way perfect myself
Here I go justifying and comparing again
This is something I struggle with
I will not pretend
To accept who I am to accept who we are
I should know I am already a superstar
With one of the most beautiful girls in the world.
I ran away from you,
Just like I runaway from myself.
I will make mistakes again,
I am not perfect
I need to learn that this is ok
I need to learn that we are ok
I need to learn that everything will be ok
On the other side of fear is my true destiny
And I know that there is no coincidence
That you and I experience such similar lives
And yet we are different
I have searched for a soul mate
All these terms and definitions
Instead of just allowing what happens to happen
I have so much to learn and I cannot do this alone
I want to be better,
I may not talk for hours on the phone
But I want to be present to give you the love that you need and deserve
Because you would give this to me I know this for sure
You have shown me in the short tme that we have known each other
Your character and integrity,
you are so special.
You are so beautiful to me – Alfalfa
D.C.C. 